Ignore the fools.

(Picture from CK Hon)

Question:(Unedited)

I'm 16, from sweden and attend gymnasium at the first year.
I'll just get straight to the point. I have a problem my friends keep saying things like you suck, or please commit suicide to me. I don't think they meen it but it really is hard hearing them say such things everyday. this is generally normal for friends in sweden schools, to say downrating things to your friends.
It's not long since I've started reading about buddhism and I've found that it really helped making everyday easier in several ways.
But now that winter holidays is over I just can't take advantage of buddhism in everydaylife (because it's in school). I try to think of making people around me happy, gladly sharing my thoughts with those who ask my oppinon.
I don't ever say go and die to my friends but still they treat me the way they do.
Actually today they said in a math class that I sucked because I tried to work while they were chatting loudly with eachother.
Our teacher don't care much if people talk or work in her classes so she don't tell them to be quiet.
I can't concentrate in classes due to them taling and I can't be happy if they keep harassing me.
I can't figure out what to do, and I thought that your expertise was really fitting for this problem.
This is a practical problem. And I want to live in peace with my selfe and my friends.
I'm wery new at buddhism and are currently reading a lot of ebooks and trying to change my lifestyle to the buddhist way, if you give me a buddhist answare on this question it would really help me become more buddhist in my opinion


My comment:

Hi L,

Thank you for asking me.

The problem with this world is that people are behaving wrongly, due to their ignorance of the true nature of this world. Most people especially around your age are very sensitive to peer pressure and social dictates. There is this herd mentality to follow the crowd because it is the "in thing" and the "accepted norm" to behave like "the others". Otherwise, the person may be ostracized and be called names. Just like in your case. You are a very special person at your age to realize that what your friends are behaving is unskilful, and foolish. Not everyone can realize this, especially when the "social norm" is to behave the way you have described. Having estabished the reason(s) of your friends' behaviour, you can now understand why they are treating you differently. Knowing this reason, you can now empathize with their wrong behaviour, and to forgive their foolish remarks.

You have the intelligence to understand what is wholesome behaviour, which will lead to wholesome results. By following through this skilful living, you will be free from a lot of problems and troubles in the future. Continue to follow through the wholesome teachings of the Buddha and along the way you will meet friends with similar values and virtues. In no time, others will see the positive side of your personality, and will want to follow your ways. Think of the happiness you would have to be able to influence others to lead a wise and respectable life. Even if others do not follow your way, you still gain the benefits for yourself.

Patience and perseverance will see you through. Have the confidence that when you practise the Dhamma (the universal truths as taught by the Buddha) these truths will protect you. This is the confidence that all Buddhists have. When we tread the correct path; this path will lead us to peace and happiness.

Please come back if I am of any help to provide you with the moral support.

The Buddha encouraged us to strive on with diligence, even in the face of adversity. Have courage, and continue with your wholesome behaviour.

Just strive on.

(Picture from CK Hon)

Question:(Unedited)
dear justin choo,
i am concentrating on meditating and focusing on speaking, thinking and acting kindly. I can work on finding happiness within myself but i have come across a problem.
When others around me are unhappy, or when others are directly taking their unhappiness out on me, i am finding it very hard to keep a peaceful and happy state of mind, i can't help but take their unhappiness on board and worry about them- which makes me unhappy.
i would like to know how buddha delt with others unhappiness?
what do you do when angry or unhappy people attack you? should it upset me? i want to stay loving and happy but how do i do that when others are not?
thankyou for taking the time to read this :)
love s.


My comment:

Hi S,

Thank you for asking me.

First we have to accept the fact that we learning to be good. We are not perfect and very unlikely that we can be perfect in this life. As Buddhists, what we are doing is to try our best to better ourselves in terms of being mindful of the real nature of this world and to accommodate problems as they arise. Unless we are very well trained in our mental culture, we will be succumbed to the sorrows of life. What we must realize is that we are going through a long and arduous journey of learning to walk the right path. The only difference of us from others is the knowledge that we are trying our best to live wisely by following the Buddha's teachings. Each time we fail, we take it as a lesson learnt. In this process we can live with our failures.

In theory it is very easily said that we should be detached from our problems as well as others' problems, and to stay happy at all times. In reality as you know, it is a very different cup of tea. It is natural that we get upset when people disturb us. It is also natural that we empathize with others' problems. However, the Buddha taught us a method of not dwelling into the problem continuously. This is what we refer as accepting that which we cannot avoid and "to note and to let go". It is certainly very difficult. On the practical side, we can strive to solve our problems and others as well. Having done our best, it is time to rest the issues. As getting angry with people, the only help is to realize that we are the ones to suffer and not our "enemies". This is so because we generate our hateful thoughts in our minds; we are the only recipients of these thoughts. Our systems burn inside us. For the sake of our well being we should then stop this unwholesome reaction.

To be skilful in our living it takes much effort and practice to be mindful of the nature of this world at every moment. Buddhist meditation is training to be more mindful in our lives. When we are able to maintain this mindfulness, we will find that we can respond to problems in a more skilful way.

In the meantime, let us strive on with diligence and vigilance.

Live for today.

(Picture from CK Hon)

Question: (Unedited)
In brief, my husband and I were not getting along, he became very depressed and began overdosing on tranquilizers, alcohol, antidepressants, really messed up his brain and then killed himself with the drugs. I was really angry for about a day but then I realized he was so messed up and not himself, and that I needed to love him and pray for him, especially after what he did. It has been really hard for me because his family and everyone blames me for his death, and I have had some pretty bad feelings of guilt, but mostly what has happened is that I realized that I have loved him all along, and he loved me all along, and things between us just got really messed up. I have been working very hard at trying to process and understand what was going on with him throughout his life and what was going on with us. My Vedic astrologer said that we were very karmically connected, that we were from the same soul family, that he was very sorry for what he did, that he had had such a tortured childhood (he had told me about it and it was) that he was just really messed up. I still feel like I failed because I couldn't love him as much as he needed. He yelled and raged and snapped at me and could be very mean and vindictive and I was really scared of him. The next day or so after he died I asked some Tibetan monks to pray for him. I have been praying for him. I put out food and beer for the first week, and have had pictures of him and I light a candle in front of the pictures when I am home This Wednesday is the 49th day after his death. I wish our souls could be together without all the misunderstanding that had been there for so long. Sometimes when I am calm and loving him I can really feel something in my heart (chakra?). What is the best thing to do to keep helping him? Today I actually considered trying to join him. But then I remembered I really want to be able to go to the Ultimate Luminosity and have him there too. Thanks for any insight you can give.

My comment:
Hi M,

It is very heart breaking to read tragic events like yours. It is also very easy to say I'm sorry to hear that. But that's not going to help. It is also very easy for me to comment because I am just an "arm-chair advisor". What authority have I to give advice? I am just an ordinary mortal. However, I shall try my best to share my views.

A very important decision that must be made is that what is past cannot be altered. There is no going back. So it will be a waste of time to constantly think back of past events. The more you think the more hurt you will feel. In the extreme case, a person may experience a nervous breakdown, simply because the system cannot take it anymore. The first step of remedy is not to trace back past events. Each time when the urge to think back surfaces, one has to be mindful and wise to stop the process. With constant attention to this effort, over time the mind will gradually let go of the past traumatic experiences and will enable the person to start a "new life".It is the present life available that is important and useful. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life. You have to start living your life now, and to stop feeling sorrow for past events irrespective of who was right or wrong.

Your Vedic astrologer may have his views, but I think you have the intelligence to think for yourself. The best approach now is to start living and forget about finding "answers" to what had already happened. From your description, I think you are an Asian. Asian cultures place much emphasis on respect for elders as well as for the deceased. The best way to show respect to and honour for him will be for you to straighten up your life and start living a beneficial life. This is to prove that your life is still worthwhile and it is essential that you have the wisdom and resilient to look forward to a better future.

Your life is in your hands; there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please strive forward with diligence, as the Buddha advised.

Below is my favourite comment:

Learn from yesterday

Strive for tomorrow

LIVE FOR TODAY.

TIME is the greatest healer. Be patient and take care.

The way it is.

(Picture from CK Hon)

Question:(Unedited)

Hi again!

You know sometimes i try to meditate, sometimes for a half an hour, sometimes one hour. However, i don't know why, probably i do something wrong, it doesn't calm me down, doesn't bring me any relief. How should i do it? I usually sit on the floor or on the bed with my legs bent, upright posture. Could you give me any directions how to improve my practise? Thanks!


My comment:

Hi L,

Welcome back.

We must always remember that when we meditate, we are actually undergoing a life-time training process. In any training programme, it is expected to have mistakes. It is in this manner that we can learn to improve ourselves. If we are experts, we don't need to train anymore. Whatever we do will be perfect and our so-called training will be just another perfect performance.

As you know, our mind is very difficult to tame. We can just do our best. Of course, the more time we put into our training the more we can improve, and at a faster rate. However there will always be those off-form periods
where things don't seem to follow through. It is natural that we face this "problem".

The Buddha listed 5 mental hindrances that disturb us when we meditate. They are sensual desires, ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness, and doubts. These mental impurities always disturb us, especially when we meditate. In any circumstance, once our mind is not stilled and concentrated, we will become the servant of the mind, and this mind will lead us from one "adventure" to the next, without our mindfulness. The trick is to note these moments of wondering, once we come to realize their presence; and to "bring back" our wondering mind to the reference point of concentration, be it rising and falling of the abdomen, or the in-breath and out-breath at the tip of the nose, or whatever point of concentration that we choose. Actually most of the time when we meditate, our main concern is to note these wondering moments, and there are many. When we become skilful in this noting, we will find that we can maintain a certain level of concentration and calm for longer periods and with more consistency.

So don't worry too much about your "problem". It is not a problem, after all. It is just "the way it is", and if you can realize this fact, you have understood the Dhamma..."The way it is".

Smile from justinchoo:-)

To forgive or to scold?

(Picture from CK Hon)

Question:(Unedited)
I heard that if I forgive a person who has wronged me, that person will receive more bad karma then if I had scolded that person. Is this true? How does Karma work?


My comment:

Hi,

Thank you for asking me.

Whether you have forgiven or scolded that person, he is the sole heir of his actions. If you had forgiven him, that doesn't change things for him too. If you had scolded that person, you would be the recipient of the bad result.

Kamma in Buddhist teaching means volition action; action that is done on purpose. It can be verbal, physical and even mental. This universal law does not favour anyone, it is neither moral nor immoral; but amoral. It goes according to volition action. This means that if your volition action is unwholesome, then unwholesome reaction will be the result, sooner or later.

Although kamma plays a big part in our lives, this does not mean that we should surrender ourselves to it. We are the result of what we were; and will be the result of what we are. What we are experiencing now would have a lot to do with our past kamma. But at this present moment, we can chart our path, the way we want because we have control of our lives. This is in accordance with the law of kamma. We mistakenly think that we are only the victims of our past kamma. We must realize that we are also masters of our present kamma because we have the power to choose and act. So act wisely and live a harmless life.

A Buddhist Soldier?

(Brilliant Picture By C K Hon)


Question:(Unedited)
I am interested in becoming a buddist, however as a soldier in the US ARMY some of the things that I do directly or indirectly result in the breaking of one or more of the five precepts.... my question is that does this disqualify me from buddism altogether or are there excetions to these rules...?


My comment:

Hi,

No one is disqualified from becoming a Buddhist just because of his profession. The Buddha taught universal truths about this existence. The truth is that if one associates with unskilful and unwholesome profession, one must be prepared to face the unwholesome consequences. If one is prepared to be a soldier, then one must be prepared to kill and/or be killed in battle. The final decision rest on the individual. Buddhism does not force anyone to change one's profession.

There are certain principles which a Buddhist will strive to uphold along the line of the 5 precepts. Of course ideally one should choose a profession that is not against the 5 precepts. But then who is going to do the "dirty jobs" so to say. Who is going to defend the country? Who is going to keep law and order in the streets? Who is going to get rid of the pests that may affect our health? These are all very urgent and realistic questions. Those who are in this category may take consolation that they are doing it for the greater good of the society and nation. However, at the same time they could strive to lead a dignified, noble and harmless life as best they could. They still can follow and practise the teachings of the Buddha to the best of their ability.

The realities of this world and this existence are such that there are always this unsatisfactoriness and flaws where many a time we are confronted with.

Difficult concepts.

(Picture by Tony Wills)



Question:(Unedited)

Hello,

I have a questiong about Buddhism. From my understanding (I could be mistaken), Buddhism teaches that all reality is illusion and to let go of self, desires and even the thought of heaven, because those are also illusions. It doesn't make sense to me, but my main question is...in Buddhism once you reach enlightenment, then what? we become voids in the sky, with no thought, no soul desires, no heaven, no nothing? And all of the life we've lived and lessons we learned are all forgotten? I'm open to knew beliefs and very spiritual, but this point in buddhism seems to really bother me, I was hoping maybe you could better explain it. Thank you so much.

Many Blessings,


My comment:

Hi,

Thank you for asking me.

Since you are just beginning to study the teachings of the Buddha, you will find most concepts very intriguing and at times very contradictory to conventional beliefs which you have been taught to accept as truths. The best approach to study Buddhism is to have an open mind and gather knowledge of what the Buddha taught, without overtly trying to analyze each concept in depth. Gradually you will come to a deeper understanding and be able to interpret the Buddha's teachings with less contradiction and confusion.

The Buddha's teachings are about universal truths or ultimate truths. These truths are truths irrespective of who you are or where you are. In other words, these truths transcend race, nationality, belief, and even time and space. These truths are universal and cannot change. The 3 characteristics of the nature of this world are universal truths. They are impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and without substance. In each of us, there are also 3 universal truths. They are greed, hatred, and delusion. They vary in intensity at different times and in different people.

The other truths are what we call conventional truths. These truths are based on convention and acceptance by the people who are concerned with them. Examples of conventional truths are money, laws of the country, customs, etiquette, culture, rites and rituals, and many other such conventional conduct and behaviour. These may not be considered as good or bad, although generally, they are for the benefit and protection of the population.

As lay persons, we are subject to abide by these conventional truths so that we can live in harmony within our society. However, at times conventional truths may not be in congruent with universal truths. Likewise our conventional thinking may not be able to understand and accept the Buddha's teachings of ultimate truths. We simply have not the mental or "wisdom" foundation to understand the Buddha's revelation of the ultimate truths.

So be patient and continue to have an open mind as aptly advised by the Buddha himself, that we should use our human intelligence and common sense to analyze his teachings, and to accept only when we are convinced.

Coming back to your questions. What we experience with our senses are very real in this world. However, in the ultimate analysis, they are just passing images or experiences. After some time all our experiences will also pass away, and in the end we also follow suit; just to start all over again in this cycle of births and deaths. In this sense, they are all illusions. If we understand this concept, the rationale of Buddhist liberation is to break away from this vicious cycle. In order to achieve this, we have to get to the core of the cause of our continuing existence, which is CRAVING to want to exist. If we have no more craving to exist, we will break away from this cycle. One can only achieve this if one is completely rid of the 3 roots of "evils" which are greed, hatred and ignorance. At this juncture just treat this liberation as getting out of this cycle. The next difficult concept will be "what then after this escape from the cycle"? It is very difficult to explain, especially I too am not liberated. The next best way is to give an illustration. Assuming a candle burning, and the flame is the life. When the flame is extinguished, we don't see the flame anymore; but can we say that there is no more flame? Try light a match, and the flame reappears. The question then is; "where did the flame go when it was extinguished"?

Another important concept is what constitute a life. A life consists of the physical form and the mind or consciousness. It is this mind that transcends repeated births. It is energy; and energy cannot be destroyed. It merely transforms into different form. This mind which is pure energy can exist anywhere even without a form.

As a lay person, one can still find happiness and contentment by practising the teachings of the Buddha to live a harmless and noble life. By understanding and accepting the true nature of this world and this life, one can live a happy and contented life by balancing the dictates of conventional requirements with the wisdom of universal truths.

I think that is more than enough to confuse you further. Please be patient and as the Buddha advised us; strive on with diligence. Please come back if you need further clarification.