Too busy to feel at ease.

Question (Unedited)

Hi!

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in work and the general busyness of life that I can't calm down and focus on the basic things.  Can you offer some general life advice on how to slow down and be a better person to others (who I feel like I forget about since I'm always so busy)

My comment:

Hi J,

We are all the same.  We know what is wrong with us, but seem not able to find the right answers!  The problem with us is this waiting for the ideal time to come; then we will do the "right thing".  The ideal (or right) time never comes.

It is easy to give advice, but to implement is another cup of tea, so to say.  It takes great discipline, commitment and wisdom to ACT.  You don't have to stop everything now.  What is important is to resolve that you want to slow down and the only way is to act on it, gradually.  It is also very difficult to be a "better person".  We all have our Big Egos and our negative roots of greed, hatred and delusion.  Until we honestly want to reduce these evil roots, we will never become better persons.  The first step is to acknowledge that what we are now is not good enough, and it is to our best advantage that we reduce our evil roots.  Again the commitment and discipline must be there.  If you can reflect on the above more often, you will find that you will want to change for the better; and then take steps to solve your problems, GRADUALLY.

By the way, I am still trying.

Quite confusing

Question : (Unedited)

Over the past few years I have begun to think a lot about the big question - what's it all about? Having looked at other religions I was drawn to Buddhism particularly because of the Buddha's warning not to take anyone's word for anything, even his own. It seems a refreshing change and I'm now convinced that Buddhism is as close to the truth as we are likely to get. I have found it reassuring. But I have two questions:

Firstly, am I right in assuming that not all Buddhists believe in reincarnation? I find it very difficult to reconcile this with Buddhist ideas about there being no real 'me', just a collection of impulses, sensations and attachments.

Secondly, I love my children very much. I am sad at the thought that there is no heaven or reincarnation for them and they too will die one day. I find that they are an attachment I do not want to break. But strictly it seems I should, as it is a distraction like all others. After all didn't Buddha himself leave his wife and child for enlightenment?

Thank you in advance for your reply

My comment:

Hi P...,

Your first paragraph indicates that you have made a wise choice.  For someone new to Buddhism, it is like a first- time traveller discovering new and strange places, some totally alien and opposed to one's experiences.  Buddhist doctrines will be totally alien to a stereotyped Caucasian who has been brought up in a Christian environment.  This is because Buddhist concepts are very different from Christian doctrines.  It will take some time for you to think "outside the box" and experience a paradigm shift in order to appreciate and understand what the Buddha taught.  Welcome to the path of inner peace and happiness, although the journey will be a long one.  It is not a question of arriving at the final destination, but the enjoyment of freedom and inner peace while taking the journey.

There is a difference between reincarnation and rebirth.  The former assumes a permanent unchanging entity (or soul) that exists life after life.  The Tibetan concept is similar to this reincarnation.  "Rebith" takes on a totally different perspective.  It views existence as an on-going process, just like the electric current lighting up a bulb.  The "bulb" is like the physical body.  When this bulb is blown, the current is still there and when a new bulb is fixed on, it lights up again.  So you can see that there is a continuity in the electric current, but the current flowing through is not the same at any one moment.  Our existence is in this state of flux.  When the body is dead, the life energy seeks another form to "reborn".  The type of rebirth will depend on the nature of this store-house of life energy.  If this store-house of energy has more wholesome characteristics, then it will seek rebirth in a more conducive environment.  On the other hand, if it has more negative characteristics, then its rebirth will be in a more unwholesome environment.  As the life force is always in a flux, there is no permanent and unchanging soul, but a changing personality that exists throughout.  To describe this process of rebirth, the Buddha used the term "Not exactly the same, yet not totally different".  Another example will be a lighted candle.  It is not the same light that we see, but not totally different.

As for your third paragraph, it is common to face the apparent contradiction between the Buddha's teachings and our worldly lives.  We must understand that as lay persons, we are faced with myriads of mundane problems.  As parents, our duties are to love and guide them.  They cannot be considered burdens or attachments.  As for heaven and reincarnation, you will gradually come to understand the real nature of existence, and you will be very happy to know that heaven and reincarnation are not  big deals after all!  

The Buddha's teachings are about universal truths or ultimate truths. These truths are truths irrespective of who you are or where you are. In other words, these truths transcend race, nationality, belief, and even time and space. These truths are universal and cannot change. The 3 characteristics of the nature of this world are universal truths. They are impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and without substance. In each of us, there are also 3 universal truths. They are greed, hatred, and delusion. They vary in intensity at different times and in different people.

The other truths are what we call conventional truths. These truths are based on convention and acceptance by the people who are concerned with them. Examples of conventional truths are money, laws of the country, customs, etiquette, culture, rites and rituals, and many other such conventional conduct and behaviour. These may not be considered as good or bad, although generally, they are for the benefit and protection of the population.

As lay persons, we are subject to abide by these conventional truths so that we can live in harmony within our society. However, at times conventional truths may not be in congruent with universal truths. Likewise our conventional thinking may not be able to understand and accept the Buddha's teachings of ultimate truths. We simply have not the intellectual or "wisdom" foundation to understand the Buddha's revelation of the ultimate truths.

So be patient and continue to have an open mind as aptly advised by the Buddha himself, that we should use our human intelligence and common sense to analyze his teachings, and to accept only when we are convinced.

Be patient.

A long question, a short answer.

Question: (Unedited except name)

Dear Reader,

My name is w....(deleted by blogger) and I am very familiar with buddhism.

But there remain a few issues not dealt with by buddhism.

Such as intelligence behind creation.

One can clearly see that the bodies of all life forms

are constructed with great complex structure. Take for example the human body and the brain, both constructed

with amazing complexity as we all know today.

When it comes to creation, Buddhism only refers to cause,

effect and karma. But only cause and effect can never lead to complex creations.

Simple Example:

Put all the parts a house is made of on the ground.

Wood, metal, sand, glass, plastic, etc. etc.

Will these parts form themselves into a house by just

cause and effect ?? Certainly not ! It takes intelligence to bring these parts together in the right way to make a house of it.

Another Example:

A Computer. Put all the parts of a computer on a table.

Metal, silicon, plastic, semiconducters, electricity,

etc. etc. Can just cause and effect bring these parts together to make a computer out of it ? Certainly not, it takes intelligence to bring these parts together in such a way that a computer comes out of it.

How much more is this the case for a human body and the human brain with it's millions of cells, all brought together to form a functional human that can think thoughts.

One can not say that just cause and effect can accomplish this.

It takes an intelligent cause to have an intelligent effect that leads to an organized creation.

Yet buddhism explains creation only in terms of cause and effect and does not refer to intelligence as a third agent operating behind cause and effect.

It is no question that intelligence is behind creation as we see it all around us until the farest distance in the universe. So how then is it possible that Buddhism explains creation only in cause and effect and nothing else ?

Another issue is that Buddhism claims that a human body is only the projection of the mind. It this is so then why do all humans have 2 eyes, 10 fingers and 1 nose ?

Why is there not someone projecting with his mind another

body with 4 eyes, 1 finger and 10 noses ?

Thanks in advance for any reply on this.

Greetings W...

My comment:
Hi W...,

Thank you for communicating with me.  

Even if we can prove (which we cannot) that there is "intelligence" behind every creation, your query will still not be satisfactorily answered.  This is because we are trying to find the "original cause", or the "original intelligence", the First Cause, the Creator.  It is a never ending question, unless we want to compromise our stand and just stop at the "original intelligence".  Otherwise, logically we will have to ask a further question: Who is behind this "original intelligence"?  Who created this "original intelligence"?  And this goes on ad infinitum.

The Buddha warned us not to dwell into speculation which had no end.  By simply depending on our human intelligence and limited physical faculties, we will never find out the beginning of phenomena.  He advised us to concentrate on conducting our lives wisely so that we would not suffer unnecessarily.

As to your second question, I would like to share with you this story.  Once there was this student sitting for his Philosophy exam.  There was only one question to answer in this 3-hr exam.  The question topic was "Why?".  This student just stared at the paper, while the rest of the students were frantically putting their thoughts in writing. As usual, the invigilator announced the final 1 minute left before time out.  This student was still deep in thought with a blank sheet in front of him!  Then he calmly took up his pen and wrote:  "Why not?"!

The wound and the scar

Question : (Unedited)

Good Day:

I am fairly new to buddhism but believe my answers lie there..my question is how to forgive a spouse who has had an affair: getting past the hurt. The desire to forgive is there...it's how to stop the hurt. I understand there are things I have done wrong...and this has probably contributed...I know all these actions are empty..but the effects are there.

Thank you for your time

R...

My comment: 

Hi R...,

I appreciate your sharing of your experiences.  It's said that half the problem is solved once a person shares it with someone!  Hope this is the case.  The following comments will hopefully solve the other half, and you will be a happy man again!

It is not easy to forgive.  I know because I also face the same problem.  But you can just let go of the thought of being hurt.  This is the Buddhist way:  to let go when the thought comes.  After a while, the hurt will begin to subside because you are not allowing the recurrent thought to torture your mind and ruin your life.  You have to replace this cancerous thought of hate and not forgiving, with thoughts of magnanimity and acceptance of what had already happened.  

You have done whatever that needs to be done...that's all. Now you get on with your life. When we start living life in this positive manner, we will have inner peace. Let nature, kamma, or whatever, takes its course. The Buddha reminded us that if we follow the Dhamma, his teachings, the Dhamma protects us. This is the type of confidence that a wise Buddhist will have. Given time, we will find that we can genuinely forgive those who had hurt us. Then we will have complete peace in ourselves.

It's just like having a wound.  Even when the wound is healed, the scar remains.  But once we accept the scar as an inevitable result of the wound which had already healed, then we accept the scar as part of our appearance.  If we are lucky the scar will disappear in time.  If not, we still carry on with our lives as normal because we have already accepted the scar as part of our lives.

Hope you feel better now.  Please come back if need be.

The illusive happiness

Question : (Unedited)

I have a great wife and child, a steady job (in Texas), good health, a nice house, etc. - all the things that should make me happy - and I am satisfied. But I feel a kind of burn-out from work though (as a software engineer for 20+ years and I'm good at my job). I've been reading a lot this last few years on "happiness" which has brought me into more in line with Buddhist thinking. My question is: how do you keep your motivation to do things (working, cleaning house, etc.) when you lose your desires? I just feel like sitting around and thinking - I'm not depressed (on the contrary I'm rather content) but I'm not sure how to keep myself motivated to go to work anymore. I read a statement that I have been pondering - it is that unhappy people are the ones that make the most accomplishments (inventions, new medical treatments, writing books, etc.) in the world because they don't like the way it is and want to change into something "better." What do you think? Is it that I am becoming more happy and losing desires and eliminating negative emotions that make me uninterested in my work anymore? Any thoughts you have would be appreciated.

 

My comment:

Hi B...,

It's interesting to note that you have everything and yet not very happy.  Just think of those who don't even have the bare essentials to live a decent life.

Happiness is dependent on experiencing something that one desires.  It is conditional, which means some factors must be present before happiness is felt.  Happiness that is dependent on some things cannot last forever. It is a self-fulfilling phenomenon.  Once the person is satisfied and happy with something, immediately that desire for happiness is fulfilled.  Then the next thing you know is that you start a new search for another condition to be happy again.  It is just like hunger.  Once you have consumed the food, the desire to eat no longer exists.  That is why people around the world are acting crazy chasing one thing after the other so as to "stay" happy.  This is what we called uncontrolled desires.  Most people are caught in this quagmire.  It's like a puppy chasing after its own tail.  

I don't think unhappy people are more creative than the happy ones. I would say, unhappy people are unfortunate ones because most likely conditions are not sympathetic to them.  The happy ones are those whose needs are fulfilled and other conditions favour them as well.  Take for example, if one lives in a war torn country, can one be happy?  If one's children are very irresponsible, can one be happy?  Take your case, you should be happy, and infact you are still happy as you said you are only "losing desires".

In Buddhist wisdom, happiness is a bonus.  As I wrote above, happiness is a conditional experience.  If we depend on happiness alone to cheer up our lives, then we are in for disappointment.  At any time those happy conditions may disappear or lose its stimulation.  At best once the condition is right for you to be happy, your desire is satisfied; and you have to search for other conditions to make you happy again.  Then what should we look for?  Contentment and acceptance.  If we can be contented with what we have, there is no crazy desire to chase for more in order to be happy.  Once you are contented, your happiness does not depend on more things.  You are satisfied with what you already have and you experience contentment, inner peace and happiness.  A lot of external conditions are beyond our control.  They can make us extremely unhappy.  But if we understand the real conditions of this existence and this world, then we still can maintain a certain degree of calmness and inner peace, despite being unhappy.  It is the realization and acceptance of those conditions that we cannot control or change.

On another note; how can we be happy all the time, especially if unhappy event happens? If a person’s loved one dies, can that person try to be happy? That would be crazy!

Don't worry be happy!

Laughing Buddha, Ha! Ha!

Question : (Unedited)

Hello My name is S....

I am from New Jersey

I'm 20 years old and I have a story.

When I was about 15 years old I decided to skip school. As I was having social problems. I stayed in my room and could not make any noise as I waited for my father to leave for work. Out of pure bordeom I was looking at a picture and saw a buddah. So I got in meditation pose and said to my self "hummm" as if I were meditating. About 5 seconds later I heard an extremley loud deep roaring laugh. It scared the heck out of me!! Not until recently I was at a flea market and saw a statue of a buddah and the lady that was selling it said he was a "laughing buddah" So have you ever heard of this? any idea what this could mean? Thank so much!

My comment: 

Hi S......,

Thanks for sharing your story with me.

What happened during your experience only you yourself can interprete because no one was with you.  Of course, there will be those who will claim that they can interprete what you had experienced.  But be very careful; there are tons of con men around.

There is actually no such person as a laughing Buddha.  This so-called laughing Buddha is supposed to be the personification of the next future Buddha.  It was "created" by the Chinese a long long time ago:  and the Chinese are very clever depicting Buddha's teachings by way of personification.  

Actually the Buddha taught very simple things in life.  It is the people who misinterpret his teachings either through ignorance or through some ulterior motives.  The Buddha taught universal truths and inner peace, without the superstitions and mysticism.  In three short simple sentences, we can sum up the Buddha's teachings:

  Avoid doing evil

  Do good

  Purify your mind.

Ask your Rabbi

Question : (Unedited)

hey,

I'm 16 years old and perhaps some may say I'm too young to think about things like that but I do...lately, I started thinking about life, wondering what the meaning of life...I don't really like my life at the moment and I haven't been happy in a long time, I feel so lost.

than, as a part of my search for a solution to my situation, I started to explore buddhism, I read about it on the internert, I'm from israel and there's not a lot of buddhists in here.

at first, I got really excited since it seems like the perfect thing for me but then I started to think and I realized that although I started to cast doubt in my religion(Judaism), I still connected to it...so I was wandering, is there any way I can combine Judaism and buddhism together? and if not, can you advice me on how I'll be able to make a decision?

thank you so much for your help

My comment: 

Hi N.....,

Thank you for asking me.

You are not too young to think about life.  I started searching for spiritual answers when I was about your age.  

First you must realize that you have been brought up in a very homogenous and orthodox society (forgive me if I am wrong), being taught the religious belief that has been part of your race for centuries.  It is already a wonder that you can open up yourself to learn about other religions.  This is a great achievement in itself.  It is when one's mind is open and free, that one can progress and find wisdom.  Albert Einstein was such a person.

It is perfectly natural that you are unable to decide at this point in time.  You are an intelligent person and should not decide hastily on matters of such importance.  Take your time to further study what the Buddha actually taught, then use your common sense and human intelligence to analyze his teachings, and then decide at your pleasure.  This was the Buddha's advice during his time when others wished to follow his teachings.  Only when they are the truths and beneficial, then accept.  Otherwise reject!

As to your question of combining Buddhism with Judaism, you will find the answer when you study more on Buddhism.  If you want a quick answer, ask your Rabbi, and he will give you a piece of his mind!  You know what I mean.

Please take your time to surf through the Buddhist sites below and you will find all the info about the Buddha's teachings.  Then you can decide.  Please come back if you need further clarification.

"What Buddhist Believe" written by my revered teacher, Ven. K Sri Dhammananda.  This book explains the Buddhist perspective on life's general questions.  

 

(An update:  Another recommended book : "Good Question Good Answer")