Monday, November 29, 2010
Question : (Unedited)
My name is C J, I'm 20 years old. I've just decided to lead a Buddhist path from 20 years of being a Christian. During my transition I've been hit with a devastating breakup from my boyfriend of two years. This breakup involved infidelity and a waste of valuable sacrifices. I'm not educated with all the coping mechanisms of the awaken one and I'm asking for help to get me through this very depressing time in my life and not come out scarred or burdened by the thought love.
Thank you for taking your time,
Hi C J,
First, I don't deserve your honorable address. I am just an ordinary person willing to share my Buddhist knowledge with those who are interested in.
As a practising Buddhist, the most salient reminder of the Buddha's teachings is the trilogy of universal truths. Please remember this for the rest of your life and you will not feel so disappointed in life when things don't come your way. They are Impermanence, Unsatisfactoriness, and Insubstantiality. When one realizes that everything in this world cannot last forever, one is prepared to see change and the end of all component things. The second reality in life is that one is existing in an environment of imperfection. It is the true nature of this world and this existence. The third is a more subtle concept; in the final analysis, one's existence come to naught. There is nothing that one can hold on to. One's existence is like a rainbow. One can indulge in the beauty of the rainbow, but in the end there is nothing.
Having said that, when one sees the Dhamma (the universal truth), one is wary of one's life. When one faces with seemingly unsurmountable problem, one has to reflect on the second universal truth of existence. It is this very nature of unsatisfactoriness of existence that one is now facing. Having acknowledged that, one also must reflect on the first universal truth of impermanence. Time is the mother of salvation. Given time the problem that one is facing will also change; maybe resolved or maybe even getting worse. So one must be prepared to live through this unpredictable journey of problematic existence.
There is no clear-cut solutions to solve life's problems. But the Buddha had forwarned us of the realities of existence. One consolation for a Buddhist is the knowledge of this true nature of existence that gives spiritual support to him through life's contingencies. When faced with problems, a wise Buddhist will reflect on this trilogy of universal truths. After accepting these irrefutable truths, he then sets out to solve his worldly problems in a worldly manner, with some Buddhist wisdom.
As for your "problems", I am wary of giving "advice" because I am just an ordinary person without any qualification to give advice. Maybe just providing some suggestions for your considerations. This is just simple psychology. Take a break and do something that you enjoy. And a little Buddhist wisdom; when thoughts of hatred and depression come, just acknowledge and note the thoughts and don't proceed further with the thoughts. You will find after some time, the wound will heal. As I said earlier, time is a great healer.
Take care, and strive on with courage.