Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Finding scapegoat. (Part 1 of 2)

(Nice picture, but nothing to do with the topic.
Just for viewing pleasure from another blog)

My husband states that he has recently become a practicing Buddhist. In February of this year, he deserted me. Two days after he deserted me, he went to a brothel in Thailand, and before he returned to the States five days later, had proposed marriage to the prostitute that he hired. I was not even aware that he had left the USA. He then moved to a different state without telling me. I found out that he had filed for divorce only when I received the papers in the mail. I have seen him only once since he deserted me, six months after he left, and I attempted a reconciliation without knowing the woman is a prostiute. I was exposed to the HIV virus. He now sends her half his earnings, and refuses to either communicate with me or to assist me in recovery from debt or anguish.
The basis of this behavior, he said, is his newfound belief in Buddhism and the concept of Impermanence. He has spent many, many thousands of dollars on Buddhist learning materials, and in supporting his girlfriend in Thailand, while I am being forced to declare bankruptcy.
Please tell me what Buddhism teaches in a situation such as this. I cannot believe that his treatment of me is condoned by any faith. I would like to know, also, what Buddhism teaches to the person who has endured such treatment.
Thank you,
T .....

My comment:

This is a very serious problem. I don't think I am qualified to give advices. But I could make some comments to the best of my knowledge of Buddhism.

One thing for sure, as you wrote; his treatment of you is definitely not condoned by any faith; and this goes with Buddhism. Buddhism categorically advises its followers to keep the 5 precepts. The 3rd precept states that one should refrain from committing sexual misconduct. Your husband's conduct violates this 3rd precept. He is definitely not following the teachings of the Buddha. The Buddha introduced the 5 precepts for his followers to live by, so that they could live in peace and harmony. Anyone who violates the 5 precepts are literally asking for trouble. The 5 precepts are universal moral values. They are: to refrain from killing; to refrain from stealing; to refrain from committing sexual misconduct; to refrain from telling lies; and to refrain from taking intoxicating substances.

As for your last question, it is very difficult to put forward a Buddhist perspective to one who is not conversant with the doctrines of the Buddha. My comment would be first, to seek legal redress. As a Buddhist, my opinion would be that he is in deep trouble for HIMSELF. It is the universal law of retribution that good begets good; and evil begets evil. He has to pay the price for his misdeeds sooner or later, with or without legal intervention.

Should you be serious to want to know more about Buddhism, which is for truth and peace, you may come back, and I will try my best to share my Buddhist knowledge.

Please take care, and have courage.


Barry said...

This is such a sad story, Justin. Thank you for giving such excellent guidance.


Justin Choo said...

Thanks for comments, Barry.

I just did my best with whatever Buddhist knowledge I have.

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