Wednesday, November 11, 2009

How to control anger?

Question : (Unedited)
First I would like to say thank you for taking the time to answer questions I recently started reading the teachings of buddhism. I was raised in a Christian home but was made to go to church as a child. Now that I'm older I have questioned some things that were taught to me. I'm struggling with anger and low self-esteem and I would really like to know what I can do to help with this. If there is any advice that you could provide, I would really appreciate it And thank you for taking the time.-K-

My comment:

Hi K,

Thank you for asking me. And welcome to the journey of inner peace and happiness. Please take your time to know more about Buddhism. The "mother" of all Buddhist web sites is which will link you to the vast network of Buddhist sites.

Coming back to your "problems", please be aware that all of us have anger and low self-esteem one time or another. This is "normal" human nature and shortcomings. What we can do is to acknowledge our shortcomings. We may also like to find out the cause(s) of our problems; most of these causes have roots from our childhood years influenced by the family environment, and society as a whole. As Buddhists we also attribute part of our character and personality to our past kamma.

I used to read lots of self-improvement books for inspiration and improving self-esteem. I found that the advices given are very similar to Buddhism. Universal truths have no boundary.

The main emphasis is one training of our mind to be positive. In order to improve our character, or rather, reduce our negative emotions, we have first to acknowledge the problems as real and at the same time to make effort to reduce them. Just by realization of our problems is already 50% of our problems solved. Each time your problem arises, note it; and you will find that the problem will become less frequent. Once you note it, you stop the negative process from continuing. It is a life-time process because our bad habits and negative tendencies are very deeply ingrained in our mind. It takes great effort to achieve positive results. The Buddhist concept of this method is what we call being mindful of each moment. We do not allow the mind to wander and wallow in negative and unhealthy thoughts.

Hope this helps.

Smile from justinchoo :-)


Li Li said...

Hello K,

I frequently browse through Justin's blog and I find most of his postings very enlightening.

I am sharing with you that you are not alone in this anger & low self esteem problems. Most of us will experience this anger especially during teenage time.

Learning Buddhisme especially Meditation is very good to calm us now.

Good luck in learning more about Buddhisme because it is good learn more about all religion.

Justin Choo said...


Sorry I have to put on the moderation mode for the comments as someone has been posting nonsense on this site lately.

Thanks for still being around. I thought I've lost all of you, because of no comment. By the way, you will not be able to communicate with the person who asked the question for 2 reasons: One, all postings in this blog are deliberately sourced from my archives which are many years old. Secondly the chance of this person ever reading this post is practically NIL.

Take care.

PM said...


Sometimes one may have to use anger to save lives and to correct another person.

What say you??

Justin Choo said...


Anger per se is not a good tool to solve problem. It takes a greater person to resolve problems by tact and diplomacy.

I too succumb to anger, but still cannot solve problems with it.

As I said, it takes a greater person; and I am just not that great.

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